Action

Why is it that in the summertime, during days with no structure and no schedule, do I feel furthest away from God?

During these days I have no where to be, nothing to do; relaxation is the goal of these summer days before work has started.  Instead of finding relaxation and peace in God, I find myself ignoring His calls. I am turning away from Him and falling into the world full of struggle and questions and doubt.  It is in these days where I should become even closer to my Savior than I could have ever thought possible but, it just isn't happening.

I am not sure if it is the lack of structure that causes my brain to totally and utterly turn off and turn away from processing one intelligent thought.  Without a to-do list I find myself saying, "I will spend time with You later."  This is frustrating and causing me to circle the drain never falling down or raising up.  I am in the middle of the monotony.  I do not like this place one bit.  I am a person who enjoys each and every success, no matter how small, and who learns from each and every struggle.  Where is my growth coming from if I am continually moving but not going any where?

It is in days like today that I have to remember that following God is a choice, it is ACTIVE.  I have to take action to allow Him to take control.  This in itself seems to be an antithesis yet, this is how God works.  He always has control of my life yet I have to actively give that control to Him to go anywhere.

I just pray that I can continually actively search for Your Face.  I pray that I find Your purpose in unstructured summer days.  I pray that You help me stop moving 'round and 'round and stand up and face You no matter how comfortable I am.  Help me lead a happily uncomfortable life.  I love You.