sunshiny day

"I want to be brim-full with immensity of life."

-C.S. Lewis

the only thing

Nothing else matters more than my relationship with Jesus.  I am not saying everything else is meaningless, everything has a purpose in life and without a relationship with God, first and foremost I don't think anything I have grown to love or have been able to obtain would have been possible.

Nothing else matters besides my relationship with God.  This is a 100% truthful statement yet, no matter how much I want to live it out, I am still stuck wishing and craving to be a part of the "world".  If right now I were asked to put down everything, all of my "stuff" for God to live a bold life for His glory, I honestly don't think I would be strong enough to take up that cross.  This may be a radical example but Our Father is a radical Ruler!  He calls us to hold ourselves accountable to a higher standard and to have truly RADICAL faith.  Last time I checked radical does not look like some little college girl who flies off of every whim and who lives for the adrenaline rush of being in constant motion not pausing to BREATHE.  

The Holy Spirit is my breath, so how do I expect to ever let Him use me the way He wants if I don't ever breathe?  How am I going to ever live out a life of radical faith and thus allowing my relationship with God be the ONLY relationship if I never take the time out of my day to breath.  God gave me His Spirit, His breath, His ruach to glorify Him BOLDLY. (Ruach is a Hebrew word meaning air in motion, the Holy Spirit.)  Am I fulfilling His plans for me?

Lord, give me times of meditation and prayer this week.  Teach me how to breathe teach me how to use this Ruach you have so wonderfully given for me.  Allow my heart and soul to listen to this Breath of Life within me, have Your way with me Lord.

quiet time

 Despite all the snow coming down, I am trying to think about all the beauty surrounding me.  I am up in La Crosse, WI this weekend visiting a very dear friend of mine and am finding it pretty impossible to not find beauty through the layer of ice and snow.  Last night driving up here through the flurries I loved the way the snow whizzed over and around my car while never seeming to stick to it.  I love the flurries right now blurring my vision of the majestic bluffs in the window.  There is so much beauty still present in my life even during the doldrums of winter.  

God gave us these winter months not as a punishment or a test but as a tribute to the true beauty that we reside in.  The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it; for He founded it on the seas and established it on the waters.  Psalm 24:1-2 

Thank you for giving me this wondrous place to call my home, for me to experience the true beauty of that You created.  Thank you for the ever present life and diversity that surrounds me even in the dead of winter.  I love it all and help me find the beauty of everything despite the grayness of the picture.  

holy buckets

I have realized that I, first of all, need to figure out what my dreams are before I can chase them.  Therefore, tonight I am going to start writing a bucket list, not a bucket list in the morbid sense but, in the sense of discovery and life.  If you have any wondrous suggestions, they are much appreciated! :)

Here I GO!

random happys

After actually waking up on time this morning, I was feeling like I had superpowers despite the knowledge of a long day ahead.  Following the fueling up on an filling breakfast of eggs and toast and chai (YUM), talking to my Dad, and reading The Hunger Games I was in charge of my life ready to take on the world.  Most of the stress that had been piling up had melted away and could feel it in my bones that today was going to be good.

Looking back, today did not disappoint.  This day, this amazing gift from God, was filled with little delicacies, little treats, little wonders.  It was truly a blessing much needed as I have been need of a little pick-me-up.  Here are just a few of the magnificent happys that I enjoyed today (not in any order):
1. Chai                                                                           2. Eggs with cheddar cheese
3. The Hunger Games                                               4. Music that becomes the soundtrack of my day
5. The Bible                                                                  6. Perfect bananas
7. Seeing Laura "at school"                                     8. Starbucks
9. Adventures with Quinn                                       10. Receiving random emails from friends
11. Listening to the Rolling Stones in Spanish 12. Writing
13. A fabulous workout with Heidi                      14. Being able to step back and BREATHE
15. Seeing people smile                                         16. Love

And to top it all, as I begin to write a spanish essay I have the wondrous melodies of Yo-Yo Ma wafting about the rafters of Starbucks.  This has been a great day.

Thank you to The Spirit for opening my eyes to all the tiny things that make me truly happy in life.  I am truly blessed and could not ask for a different life.  Thank You for giving me time in the morning to relax in You and to prepare for the day ahead.  Please constantly be opening my eyes and let me be the witness of all the GOOD in this world.

jars of clay

Plan: (v.) to arrange a method or scheme beforehand for (any work, enterprise, or proceeding).  

Planning, I believe, is an intrinsic nature to humans.  We are taught at a very young age to prepare and engineer our future.  Plan for college: get involved in extracurriculars,  achieve good grades, befriend teachers.  Then after those arduous, hard-working years of high school, plan for "the real world": get a job, save money, go to a good college, get good grades, network.  The culmination of our education depends all upon this planning and has actually freaked me out a little bit.  Yes, i do realize I have oodles of time to figure everything out but, during this time of deciding majors and dreaming about vocations I have passion for, I can't help but become entangled in figuring out my "plan".  

Luckily for me, I read a little passage earlier tonight that really spoke to me.  God gave me a reassuring tap on my shoulder through this amazing book called Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Frances Chan.  I had just began reading a chapter entitled "Forget about His will for your life".  This title really perplexed me for I had constantly leaned on the comfort of Jeremiah 29:11.  Upon reading this chapter I truly understood what Chan was trying to portray.  He was stating exactly what I had been feeling earlier today; getting caught up in the worry of the future.  

This is what Chan writes, "I think a lot of us need to forget about God's will for my life.  God cares more about our response to His Spirit's leading TODAY, in this moment, than about what we intend to do next year.  In fact, the decisions we make next year will be profoundly affected by the degree to which we submit to the Spirit right now, in today's decisions."

This truly hit me like a pound of bricks, I was so taken aback by this amazing and real truth.  God loves me so much that there is no possible way that He will ever lead me astray.  My future is secure in His hands.  He promises so many times in the Scripture to never leave or abandon me and, as long as I listen to His words today, right now, this very moment everything will be OK.  What is The Spirit telling me right now? Am I even listening?  I have the most amazing Person in the WHOLE WORLD living inside of me, helping me each and every day, yet do I acknowledge Him?  

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this

all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are

hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, 

but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck

down, but not destroyed.  We always carry around in our

body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also

be revealed in our body.  For we who are alive are always

being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life 

may also be revealed in our mortal body.

(2 Corinthians 4:7-11)

I pray that I stake EVERYTHING on God in this moment, in this day.  I pray that I no longer feel uneasy about the uncertainty that lies ahead.  I pray that you allow the Spirit to move through me every day and set my heart focused on You.  I pray that you hold my heart and my hands through my daily journeys with You.  

challenge

Tonight at young life club in sun prairie my friend Katherine issued this challenge to each and every listening soul in that basement, that each person goes home and, upon reflection of the day's goodness, determine what irks us the most and then CHANGE it.

I recognize I tend to sit and think about what really bothers me but I never do anything about it.  I just let it continually affect my life and my attitude.  So tonight, Katherine's dare has not fallen upon deaf ears.  I gladly take this challenge and will, from tonight onward, stop sitting down watching the world fly by.  I am going to take ACTION. I will not dwell on the things that cannot possibly be changed but, on the things that I can adjust.  I vow to use all my power to do what I can.

Now this may not look like a lot in my life at the moment, as I am not bothered by much and have been raised to take things with a grain of salt, but, I believe these (however little) changes will affect my life in majestic and marvelous ways.  To start off, I am going to stop using TV (including hulu and other forms of online TV viewing) as a distraction and an act of procrastination.  In fact I want to try to limit my total TV watching to less than an hour a week.  I cannot even imagine how much extra time I will be presented with and hopefully this will also help with my multitasking shenanigans that I have been trying to work on.

Now I am greatly going to need to rely on You, my dad, to be my rock and my reminder in this time of radicalness.  I pray that You become my procrastinations, my distractions throughout my days.  Please set my heart on fire for You and put my words into ACTION.  I love You!!!!!!

Psalm

I am looking.

my multitasking life

Reading, drinking coffee, listening to pandora, facebooking, watching the basketball game, and talking to my dad on the phone: somehow I managed to do every single one of these things without thinking twice this afternoon.  What was I THINKING??  Sure I was "paying attention" to everything but there was no possible way I could give each thing the time and thoughtfulness it deserved.

I have been living my life like this lately (even as I sit to write this blog I am doing 2 other things).  I find myself giving less than 100% to each of my avocations because I tend to put more on my plate than I could ever handle.  Stretching myself as far as I can between track, school, studying, lab, young life, bible study, friend-time, me-time, and God-time, I am not giving them my all.  I love each endeavor and do not foresee myself signing off on any of them yet, I know something, maybe small, has to be modified.  I just hope I learn how to cherish my time with each, keeping my mind focused on the ONE task at hand.

I especially need to improve on this with my time with God.  I tend to push Him into the background, always present but, not always seen or noticed.  My time with Him is filled with easy distractions and moments of absent-mindedness.

Lord, I pray that You take me away into Your quiet peaceful place.  I pray that You let me relax in your arms knowing that You are the only distraction I need in this world.  Thank you Father for being patient with my as I fight to stay surrounded by Your presence.  Take the pen again Lord, write my story, write my story filled with You are my one true north, my one true focus.  Amen

blissful dreariness

Nicole and I 

 Sushi and an amazing concert later I, for some mysterious reason, am on top of the world.  Wait... that's not mysterious at all, I am of course reminiscing over the the magnificent wonder that I like to call music.  Thanks to Nicole Kortendick, a lovely evening of sushi and melodies are still playing in my head and filling this sunless day with a bright shining light.  I could only describe this feeling of sheer contentment as complete and awesome bliss.  With the sweet smells of freshly-brewed coffee wafting throughout my apartment and the breathtaking awe-inspiring sounds of Marc Broussard and Drew Holcomb & the Neighbors floating from the Pandora airwaves to my receptive ears I find myself wondering, hoping even, that this must be close to what heaven must be like.  

Drew and Ellie Holcomb

There is something about live music that overflows my heart with joy.  Being there, in the moment, surrounded by fans and music-lovers, is almost indescribable.  The intimate portrayal of an artist's innermost thoughts and feelings are right there, right in front of me, so raw and so close that I get swept up and away into their world, into their dreams.  Music has always been a means for me to share and let go of my most personal secrets.  Concerts invite me to step right up into the most personal and passionate part of an artist's world and life.  

Last night that is exactly what I got to delight in.  I was surrounded by so much (in the words of Marc Broussard) "love and hapiness" it was incredible: the love of listening to music, love of playing music, love of people, love of expression, just all around amazing LOVE.  Not to sound redundant but i LOVED every single second of it.  

I have always been passionate and in love with music and the potential it has to transcend culture and differences to bring about peace and communication, and unsurprisingly,  last night reaffirmed my ardor for this art.  After last night I find myself aspiring to one day be encompassed by that same passion and finding a career that I am truly head-over-heels in love with.  Whether or not that be in music, I will leave that one up to the Big Guy upstairs because He knows the plans He has for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

you say you want a revolution this is what democracy looks like

After trekking up to the Madison capitol today I have finally grasped the vastness of this so called "revolution."  Thousands of people both for and against Governor Scott Walker's bill are marching and chanting, all for what they believe.  THIS is what inspires me: the people of this great nation are INSPIRED.  In this revolutionary atmosphere the people, although on different sides of the fence, are all UNITED under one idea, the idea of inspiration.

So far peace has been the forefront of the protest, of the revolution, encompassing and filling the streets around the capitol.  With the addition of the Tea Party to the fight today, all we can hope for is a fair portrayal of both sides of the issue and for the continuation of peace.  

Now, I have never been a person with strong political interest but, with the protest enveloping me and captivating the nation, I have been swept into the fervor that is now Madison.  I do envisage both standpoints.  I realized that in these hard fiscal times there is a need for reform, for everyone to tighten their belts.  On the other hand, I could not envision a world in which teachers, laborers, had their rights stripped from them.  Without amazing and passionate teachers I do not believe any one of us would be where we are now.  

An agreement is vital.  The protest cannot persist forever.  Teachers eventually will need to go back to work, educating the future generation of businessmen, politicians, workers, teachers, and parents.

As for now the passionate people live on, chanting "this is what democracy looks like" and marching to change the world.  

You say you want a revolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
But when you talk about destruction
Don't you know that you can count me out
Don't you know it's gonna be all right
all right, all right

You say you got a real solution
Well, you know
We'd all love to see the plan
You ask me for a contribution
Well, you know
We're doing what we can
But when you want money
for people with minds that hate
All I can tell is brother you have to wait
Don't you know it's gonna be all right
all right, all right

Just remember who you are

This phrase is so simple yet so terrifying.  First you have to determine who you are, who you want to be, how you want to portray you, your most intimate secret.  Who I am I?

I am Me.  I am God's child.  I am Jesus' love.  I am filled with the Spirit.  That is who I am.

With the help of my amazing Friend, Helper, Abba, and Lover I am able to live an amazingly rewarding, at times frustrating and hard, life.

Through Him I am a friend, a sister, a daughter.  With Him I am a musician, a runner, a student, a dreamer. In Him I am excited, happy, joyful, hopeful, amazed, strong, weak, afraid, fearless.  For Him I am speaking, wondering, singing, LIVING.

"Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity."
                           -Hosanna by Hillsong United

mi revelación de hoy

After a week filled with little sleep and lots of studying I have realized a few things about myself.  I am great at procrastination (the idea of this blog  is part of that greatness)! I work amazingly under pressure so this usually works fine for me and allows me to stay in the context of the world I am living in.  Through the many exams and scientific papers, I still LIVED.  I am breathing in the chaotic and revolutionary air of Madison, I am running races for God, I am being challenged and enticed by the spanish language, I am researching the leatherback sea turtle, and most of all I am loving my friends and family.

On the other side of this marvelous skill I have honed from many busy weeks, is the feeling of utter exhaustion.  Through all this living I have gained a necessity for coffee and have forgotten the lost art known as sleep.  As I sit down to write my last spanish essay of the week I find myself wishing for just one piece of perfect bliss in sleep but, with the clock ticking and only 3 hours to work, the idea of a nap has to fade into a fleeting thought.  With my eyes heavy and my frustration lurking beneath the surface I am trying to remember that God may give me obstacles that I alone cannot possibly attempt to climb, but with Him anything is possible.  "I can do anything through Him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13).  I can write this spanish paper, I can run 800 meters around a track, I can smile and enjoy the sunshine.  1 Corinthians 10:13 says, "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.  God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will provide the way of escape, that you will be able to endure it" (ESV).

I have realized that I get mad at God for giving me too much to handle!  More than once this week I found myself purposefully not wanting to spend time with Him because I believed it was his fault that I am so tired.  And the more tired I got the more I would push God away, and the cycle continued.  But I was looking at the entirely wrong picture, God is not the tempter.  He is the provider of strength, He is my escape, He is my father whom I run to during stressful temptation-filled weeks.  You are faithful my Father, You are my comforter and means of endurance.  I pray for rest and reflection of the test of this week, I pray you give me the strength to finish this race that has been this week and that you carry me through my race tonight.  I want to glorify you during this period of weariness! I want you to be in the foreground of my life tonight.  

believe

I believe... This phrase is a staple in our culture today.  I believe.... everyone believes in something, an idea, a movement, a God, a science.  I believe in God.  I believe in His selfless sacrifice of His Son.  I believe Jesus is the Messiah, my friend, my helper, my everything.  I believe in human rights.  I believe in the freedom of expression and of speech.  I believe in equal rights, the ability to protest.  I believe in the ability to unionize but, I believe in the necessity to reverse the projected $3.6 billion deficit.  What do you believe?

awfully amazing

After waking up 5 minutes before I had to leave for my first spanish exam of the semester, lets just say, I was a little frazzled.  After getting dressed, brushing my teeth, and grabbing a granola bar I was out the door.  A nice 10 minute walk up a hill was made endurable by a balmy 50 degrees. With 5 minutes to spare I was as mentally prepared as possible for the test.  Opening the door, I found the room to be totally and completely empty!  I ran down 4 flights of stairs to check my email on a computer in the lobby and realized that my TA would not be holding the exam today.  Due to the rally and the "Kill the Bill" movement occurring at the capitol in Madison today (for more information see: Protest), I have the whole day to work on my new take-home exam.  So a awful morning has gone through metamorphosis and has now become an amazing day.  Lord, direct my life today.  Help me find productivity in You on this day that You have blessed me with.  Lord you control my life; I want to life it fully by glorifying you.  Amen

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9

a-finding away

"Everybody is a genius. But, if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid." Albert Einstein

start of a grand adventure

Here is to seizing each moment God has graced me with. Each day is a priceless gift. Let me never forget to cherish every single opportunity, no matter how small. God YOU reign, take each moment in my life and let it glorify you.

Here is to the many discoveries I crave to experience through my child-like faith.